But it’s also cold, hard science that re-entering a sleep cycle only to be unceremoniously ripped out of it just nine minutes later leaves one feeling groggy. Obviously children of divorce are more likely to be spurred onto crime - that’s science - Google it. If dooming the planet wasn’t bad enough, did you know the rampant divorce rate is your fault too? How many spouses have filed for divorce because they can no longer stand their ex-partner constantly smacking the snooze button repeatedly every morning? Your insistence that what humans really need is eight hours AND NINE MINUTES of sleep is destroying families, arsehole!Īnd, of course, the overcrowding of jails should rest heavily on your conscience too. And, since humanity has found literally no way NOT to use the snooze button, they have to produce more and more gas guzzlers to meet the demand! And because everyone is so late, they’re all speeding to work, so they have to buy gas guzzlers for extra protection in case of an inevitable crash. Why do we have so many of these emissions? Well, you tosspot, it’s because everybody hits your bloody snooze button three-four times every morning making them so late for work that walking or taking public transit just isn’t a viable option. As we all know, emissions from car travel and production are the world’s number one polluters. I’ll start with something so blatantly obvious that it barely requires mentioning, but I shall mention it nevertheless for the blissfully unaware: the snooze button - quite clearly - is the number one cause of climate change. No, but seriously, you pillock, let me tell you what you’ve done to society. So, naturally, the only solution was for you to invent a button that makes that happen five times every morning. Getting jolted awake by your alarm clock first thing in the morning is extremely unpleasant.
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